etude of a menagerie on the milky way

Ooooh, boy. It’s the month you’ve all been waiting for: September. Goddamn September. Why do people like fall again? Yeah, anyways. I looked at the online school site and I noticed that I have some sort of music class? How’s that gonna go? Are we just gonna learn about the daily lives of classical composers, or better yet, rock groups like The Beatles or Queen? That’d be cool. Or is it like my beloved elementary music class and we get to learn how to play on the piano or something? How about actual music theory? Either way, I’m still looking forward to seeing what it is. I’m banking on it being the second, though. Am I going to actually get to learn to play the bass guitar like I’ve been wanting to since February? Well, we’ll see. As long as it’s not overwhelming like ninth grade nor a mess like eighth grade, I’m okay. I think. Probably should watch Spider-verse before school starts. I’ve been thinking of that movie and how it’s the movie that I’ve seen the most amount of times in a whopping three months. Damn. Anyways, a new collab started yesterday. It’s the kind that I really like, and the actual game is Star Fox 64. Alright. I think it’s the other October ‘18 recording. Speaking of October, I absolutely can’t wait until this month and next month is over. You know why. November is when the holiday season starts and it’s gonna be awesome. I also can’t wait until his next let’s play starts. September 3rd: How anxiously empty for the first day of school. Please treat me kindly. Keep on dreaming. 9-1-19🌟

Okay, so when the clock rolled over to midnight, I looked at the school website and... Apparently, I have some sort of PE thing in which I have to exercise. Haha, I’d rather not. Besides, they won’t know if I did it or not, right? Like, how the hell does the whole thing work? How do they know if I did the thing or not?? I just looked over the site and my confusion totally adds to my anxiety. Like, how the hell does it even work??? I’m really scared and confused, please help. This! Makes! No! Sense! Seriously, I’m about to cry. Someone help me. I’m so confused that I’m at the point of considering to not even doing it. It’s too scary and confusing. I don’t understand! I don’t understand! Sarah, help me. I don’t know what to do... Are you sure that it’s a school website? It looks pretty sketchy to me... Ohhhh, what do I do? I’m scared... This might be peak first-day confusion here, ladies and gentlemen. Ohhhh, it’s gonna be worse, isn’t it? Ohhhhhh, nooooooo. While we’re in the midst of me getting all teary-eyed, choked up, and confused, might I mention the day before eighth grade? It was quite odd, as I was up at 10 am, expecting some legit shopping with my mom. But, no. While my brothers were at school, my mom and I were doing literally anything else. But anyways, man was eighth grade weird in retrospect. It completely wiped me out in the middle of November as per usual and I wouldn’t be surprised if this grade did the same. God, this school year is gonna suck. I haven’t even started and I’m already scared and confused. I better get some sort of reward for surrendering this early and easily. Well, the only thing I can do now is pray that I miraculously am able to do the school work in the morning. If I’m not, I guess I’ll die? Dunno. Keep on dreaming. 9-2-19🌟

Before I start talking about school, I just wanna mention that there’s a Direct tomorrow and... Not to jinx anything, but I’m hopeful for this one. Yeah, anyways, but I hope that I am able to make something beautiful, groundbreaking, like an eclectic piece of something that I will be known the world over for. Just watched some video essays of animation and clay-mation and I guess that put me in that kind of mood. But, man, would that be cool. I at least want to be successful in life, y’know. Yeah, anyways, school. School was actually alright for the first day. Got a little boring, but I got through it okay. Not sure if I’m able to say that about the rest of the school year, but we’ll see. I would see the actual school calendar, but the internet is in it’s stupid Bedtime mode. Winter break better still be a thing. All the breaks should still be a thing or I’m gonna cry. As long as there’s little to no scare tactics and guilt-tripping, it should be okay. Would be cool if I can get through now to Christmas without worrying about anything school-wise, y’know. It’d be cool if I could just skip to Christmas time, honestly. Well, let’s see how long I can handle this, and whether or not I start music lessons. Let the mass-murdering commence! Keep on dreaming. 9-3-19🌟 (new Unraveled and a new direct in the same week? Hell yeah!)

Yeah, so today’s direct was a doozy compared to the last few. But, first things first: Freaking Sans from freaking Undertale is in freaking Smash. Technically. They put in Megalovania, too. I legit actually can’t wait to see the amount of people who use it in their custom stages. It’s been almost 12 hours since that announcement and it still sounds like a freaking meme. This actually makes me pretty excited for the next DLC fighters. Waluigi in Smash doesn’t seem like a complete and utter joke anymore. Yeah, also they announced that you can customize your character even more with more options in the new Pokémon game coming out this November. I am ALL for it, to be honest! I freaked when they showed that off. And lastly, Animal Crossing. It still looks pretty damn awesome so far. I saw one of the villagers that were in my town and that wavy hairdo on the character the trailer was focusing on and I FREAKED!!! I think we’re getting new hair color options, as well! Can’t wait until March 20th! But I need to do my schoolwork first, for a month straight. You better do it, self. You just gotta. Just do it!™ Keep on dreaming. 9-4-19🌟

Before I talk about today, I just wanted to mention that I finally managed to beat Super Mario Odyssey. Okay, thank you. Speaking of today, it was kind of a doozy, like yesterday’s direct. Apparently he swore a lot in today’s collab video, but I was too used to his older stuff to notice. Seriously, though. Whenever he does that, a lot of people act all surprised. Like, how do you not know that he didn’t use clean language for the entire existence of his channel? Yeah, anyways. Apparently there’s a new Pokémon Center (4:20!!) at the Fred Meyer’s that we went to on Sunday, which is incredible. My mom texted me a picture of it all empty and I replied, “Oh my god.” Can’t wait to go when it’s.. Not empty. Anyways, I’m so hyped for the Unraveled video tomorrow!! Keep on dreaming. 9-5-19🌟(happy burf, Freddie Mercury!)

So, the Unraveled video wasn't uploaded today, which is odd. It better be tomorrow. Anyways, it's the first weekend after school started!!! Yay! Time to get my sleep on and hope for rain. Anyway, yesterday I realized that hockey starts in a month and I was like, "!!!!" Don't screw it up this time, boys! Keep on dreaming. 9-6-19🌟

Excluding a couple of things, today legit felt like December. I absolutely cannot wait for December. It's gonna be rainy, all the lights are gonna be up, the decorations are gonna be displayed, and it's gonna be awesome. And, there's gonna be Christmas music on the radio!!! God, I absolutely cannot wait!!! Likewise for his next let's play. Keep on Dreaming. 9-8-19🌟

Well, it's 3:30 in the morning and I can't sleep. Sounds familiar, yeah? It's been a week and I'm tired of school. I just want to watch the new collab and for it to be December already. Uuuuughh. I can't wait until his next let's play. Keep on dreaming. 9-10-19🌟

Well, today I did something that's triumphant? I guess? I finally figured out how to check out from the public library with a little help from my mom's texts. Honestly, this opens up a world of possibilities, I think. Anyways, I keep thinking about those Oreos with the red icing instead of white icing. Y'know, the ones that they have during the holiday season. AKA the time of year I desperately want for it to be right now. I've gotta get those, same for those peppermint ones I got last year. Gah, it hasn't been a full week of school and I'm already getting sucky at completing schoolwork. I actually really want Oreos right now. Keep on dreaming. 9-11-19🌟 (I don't even want to do the work tomorrow. I just want to watch the new collab video. However, I do have "Numb" by Linkin Park stuck in my head again... Well, tomorrow's Thursday. So close and yet so far. Might screw around and attempt to get into Fall Out Boy. Or maybe not. Good god, I hate this keyboard.)

I just finished listening to an interview featuring him, and all I can think of now is: A.) I don't know what I'm passionate about, B.) I shy away from any kind of second chance, and C.) My life is a blank slate and it's terrifying and it makes me want to cry. Like, I like a lot of things, but I don't have THE thing that I obsess over no matter what. I feel like the only thing I can do is pray that the holy patron saint of motivation and what not would lend me their power at last. I just want the one thing in life that I'm good at, the one thing that I can do for possibly decades. Everyone else has one, why can't I? I guess being eclectic has its downsides. Gah, I need mental help. Keep on dreaming. 9-12-19🌟

Y'know, I think that British pop culture kick I had in May is returning. I just had the idea of making an aesthetic-y wallpaper that's Alice in Wonderland theme and it has some lyrics from the song Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. It's gonna be awesome. Anyways, what isn't awesome is that tomorrow's Monday, the third week of school. It doesn't feel like the third week. It feels like the third month. Man, do I wish it was. December is going to be great. I honestly can't wait until that warm, magical Sunday night drive home in which it's all rainy... I can't wait until the days get all short... I can't wait until his next let's play. And, I seriously hope that there's gonna be a thunderstorm tomorrow. That would be amazing. Keep on dreaming. 9-15-19🌟 (I just had two pieces of pumpkin pie and it was great)

It's almost 4 in the morning and I can't stop thinking about how when he went to gaming-related events with a mask on when he started let's playing. Then, 10 years later, he's all buff, showing his face like the beauty it is. What an icon. Within 10 years, he went to being an insecure college freshman wearing a mask to a buff adult with a group of supportive friends. If that's not life goals, I don't know what is. Wonder what that mask looked like and if such a thing as a picture of him wearing it exists. By Jove, he's like Allister from the new Pokémon game. That sweet, patron saint of generosity of a man really has been through a lot, huh? Keep on dreaming. 9-16-19🌟

Just closet-scavenged again, and now it’s technically 4 am in which I’m re-watching Spider-Verse while the rain god is unleashing all that they’ve got. Yeah, I had something in mind that I wanted to talk about, but I’ve forgotten. Hold on... Right, I think I was gonna gush about him, as per usual. Even a little preschooler kid can guess that I’ve rambled on and on about him for waaay too long. But, who cares? In a perfect world, I would be living with him and life would actually be a-okay. Whether this will actually happen is a question begging to be answered. Yeah, anyways. When I woke up, I thought it was Thursday. It then took me a while to realize it was Tuesday. I still wish it was Thursday. Or December. But, you know what would be magical? Moving. Like, I’m not kidding when I mean that it’s slightly improving here, but being somewhere else (that looks soooo weird) would be pretty legit, not gonna lie. Welp, it’s been awhile since I’ve been up at 4 in the morning. I just remembered that I realized yesterday that sometime in these next couple of years, I’ve gotta get a job. Shoot. I don’t think I’m gonna be ready for that at any time between now and then. It’s a no from me, chief. Noooo thank you. God, I can’t wait til December. Keep on dreaming. 9-17-19🌟

It’s 4:30 in the afternoon. Expectedly, I’m going along with my executive dysfunction and not doing schoolwork and instead watching yet another interview. This one was about Thrown Controllers. What particularly stood out to me is that he mentioned a little girl around my age that got a difficult question and answered it correctly. Jesus Christ. Not only that the girl had the guts to actually go up there, due to most of the audience being adults, she answered it! A question of the game’s highest difficulty! Correctly! She’s like me, but better in every single sense of the word! Why can’t I be like her? Did she or did she not feel the eyes and hear the snickering of the audience stabbing her with anxiety? What kind of sorcery is that? (There's something tantalizing about him in a mask. Hmmm...) Yeah, anyways. I just was notified that the mattress I'm getting so I can do the cool thing I like doing is arriving on Monday. Hell yeah. Keep on dreaming. 9-18-19🌟 (heck and darn. It's 4 in the morning and I'm oh-so close to calling it quits on homeschool. Uggghhhh. But, once more, with feeling, I love that angelic moron of an adult man.)

Before I get into today, I just wanna mention that today was the Area 51 raid and I salute everyone who went. Yeah, so today was also the start of the Air Show that we go to annually. But, it's just so boring that I can't figure out why we go see it annually. It's boring. So boring that it doesn't have the right to be as loud as it is. Hah, just like my physics teacher from last year. Boring, loud, and a touch scary. Anyways, that airshow is also something that's really inconvenient is that it prevents me from getting my room ready for my new bed, which is really suck-y. Life has a thing for intentionally putting the boring, inconvenient, and painful things right in between the good things and my face, doesn't it? It'd be cool if it didn't for once. Like, if the airshow wasn't an hour away. Gah, it's like the only thing I'm good at is complaining. Let my new bed get here already. Keep on dreaming. 9-20-19🌟(why the hell are people obsessed with succulent plants? Well, anyways, I just went on a stroll down a particular tag and now I'm pining for physical affection from a particular someone... again. ...at 5 in the morning.)

Today was interesting, I guess... I don't have much to say about the airshow except it was like I said: so boring that it doesn't have the right to be as loud as it is. We got some really good pumpkin pie flavored popsicles, and we finally went to Trader Joe's for the first time in forever. Thank god. Oh, and his let's play of that boring rpg has finally been completed! HALLELUJAH! Sure hope that someone will actually post his hint towards the next let's play soon enough. And I wanted for a particular Breath of The Wild let's play to update, but it didn't, unfortunately. Keep on dreaming. 9-21-19 🌟 (time to sleep! Hell yeah!)

Today didn't feel like Sunday, and it was great. What was also great is that the channel that uploads things like clips of interviews featuring him and such, uploaded a clip of the interview when he was talking about when he wore a mask during that circa. 2009 charity stream. As the thumbnail for it, we could see what that mask looked like. It looked like the Phantom of the Opera mask, but silver and shiny. Wonder if he still has that mask. Yeah, anyways, we're so close to my new bed and it's gonna be great. Keep on dreaming. 9-22-19🌟 (you know what would be great? Like, super groovy? Really spectacular? Particularly amazing? Absolutely legit? Pretty awesome? Quite grand? If I had friends who understand and are a-okay that I'm mute 24/7.)

Good morning, and welcome back to the 5 AM Predicament.™ On this episode, I realize the difficulty of being immensely shy with the side dish of selective mutism and having a crush (?) (Special Interest?) on a very particular guy that you know all too well. I just wanna give him the most enormous hugs and be near him 24/7. Is that too much to ask?? Anyways, it's almost the end of the week and I don't have my bed yet. That mattress arrived on Monday, being all firm and stinky. Nothing had happened since then and it upsets me. I want my new bed!!!! I wanna tie those sheets around it already!!! Keep on dreaming. 9-26-19🌟 (happy 50th, Abbey Road!!!)

I just can’t get the fact that he thought Monty Python’s Flying Circus was a kid’s show based off of the title. Like, how did he know about it in the first place? Like, right when he said that, I imagined myself explaining to him why it’s precisely not a kid’s show. Anyways, earlier I just had an absolutely insane thought. What if school this time wasn’t as unpleasant as I remember it being? What if I had something miraculous happen over there? The place where I’m deemed a definite problem child? (new bucket list item: sitting with him and watching Monty Python’s Flying Circus) Keep on dreaming. 7-26-19🌟(we better get rice this weekend)

So, I was 6 and a half minutes into re-watching Spider-Verse for the nth time, and suddenly tears started coming out of my eyes. No one has died yet in the film, and nothing too emotionally dense has come up either. What were those tears? Was I tearing up to a simple “I love you”? If so, why? Am I yearning for a kind, humble brunette named John that deeply? Are those words the three big ones that I wanna say to a particular someone? Man, I dunno. I still really want that privacy that the tied up sheets give to my new bed. That’s when I perform a seance to bring back 2009 to escape this odd feeling that came out of nowhere. I crave his attention so bad and I can’t figure out why. I want him to know that I exist. I want endless physical affection from the one. I just know that I hunger for a kind and gentle soul to give me emotional support. And endless physical affection. Wouldn’t be surprised if my period came when I wake up tomorrow. (like, the particular someone seems like he’s suddenly giving me advice to better myself, and yet... it feels like I am unable to follow that advice and his footsteps... Am I or am I not worth it? A question for the ages for sure.) Keep on dreaming. 9-29-19🌟